So the list was what I expected. 'In one year I will have _______' (fill in about a million blanks.) I had done some of the things. Most were started, and are ongoing projects that can't be just neatly crossed off a silly list. I'm not mad about it. I'm not sad about it. It just is. It's what I though I wanted a year ago. More of the more.
What my brain feels now is that these expectations and lists are just clutter. I've already gotten rid of all my excess stuff, and am pretty content with my bohemian minimalist lifestyle and home. And if we knock down any more walls to create space in our bohemian minimalist home, it will no longer be structurally sound. But with all the cleared physical space, I still feel like there's too much- that there's more I can get rid of.
Maybe, this is the shit I can get rid of. The hoarding of ideas and lists and expectations. Sometimes, clarity on the inside clears the outside. And sometimes, clearing the outside is the only way to turn in and realize just how much junk is in there, ready to let go.